How to not make a connection:
1) Avoid talking about yourself in any sort of meaningful way. Wait, do you know what’s not meaningful? I can help you with that. Talk about the weather, musical taste, friends, what kind of booze you like to drink…basically, talk about anything you like, but leave out the “Why” part of it. Once you start talking about why…it gives a little more insight into who you are as a person.
2) Don’t ask the other person any kind of meaningful question. This is pretty similar to the first one. But, definitely do NOT ask questions about the person you are talking to. If he/she answers a meaningful question, you will probably feel obligated to release some meaningful information about yourself…and then you will have connected to another human being. (Which is what we’re trying not do here in this part of my blog entry.)
3) Make sure that the activities you engage in don’t really matter. Like drinking or watching a movie. It doesn’t really matter who you do these things with…you can enjoy them by yourself too…it just so happens that someone else is participating in these activities.
Ok, this is all I can think of for now…maybe I will make another post later if I come up with more stuff. So, onto the important thing:
How to make a connection:
1) Talk about yourself in a meaningful way. It’s OK! We all came from somewhere. And, chances are that we have more in common with each other than we thought. I’m not saying tell your entire tragic life story filled with violence and regret and loser-dom in one sitting. Well, do that if you DON’T WANT to make a connection…because the other person probably won’t want to talk to you again. I know I wouldn’t.
But, it can be perfectly safe to mention that your parents are crazy or that you see a therapist 3 times a week. (Make sure you feel out the other person first though.)
2) Don’t be shy! Ask questions. If you are genuinely interested in why the other person does something a certain way or why they think “THAT,” go ahead and ask. One of three things will happen: He/she will either 1) lie so you like them/don’t like them, 2) say they don’t feel comfortable divulging the information, or, 3) they will tell you the truth.
3) Your best bet is to maintain honesty while engaged with someone else. Whether it be a conversation, the way you look, what you like to do, etc.
4) Make sure that when you are interacting with someone, that you are OK. Meaning that you are relating to THAT person…(not your ex, not your daddy, not your child, etc…) And, if you are not relating to THAT person as themself, just check yourself! It’s not the end of the world…and infact, you are making an even more important connection if you are aware of that, and that is the connection with yourself.