Love: Let’s Get Real!

I LOVE YOU!!

We can make it because we love each other…

but isn’t it enough that I love You??

Isn’t it, though?

Truthfully, no, it’s not enough.  Don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say.  Let’s think about it:

If, “love is all we need” (to quote John Lennon), then I’d probably still be with my abusive ex from 5 years ago.  In fact, a lot of women would still be with their abusive exes…because they loved us in their own fucked up way…and similarily we loved them in our own fucked up way.

No, Love definitely isn’t enough.  It is NOT the end all be all of a romantic  relationship.  On top of this mutual feeling of love for one another, there needs to be a few other characteristics-and these can vary from person to person depending on our individual needs and wants.  For instance, I like stability.  Not the kind of stability where I’m too afraid to let go, but the kind of stability that I know where the relationship is going, and the partner has the same directional idea.  Trust.  That’s a big one.  To trust that someone is being faithful, that he/she has your interests in mind also and is not just making decisions selfishly.  It is definitely a huge bonus if both partners can communicate their wants/needs effectively.

We have many definitions of love.  In Vedanta, they call it “preferential attachment.”  (sort of bummerish sounding, right?!)  The Greek call it Eros.  A romantic and intimate love that doesn’t necessarily have to be physical, but it is more than a friendship.

Whatever definition we choose to go by, love can be the fuel for all other components in a relationship.  Love can fuel one to practice communicating; it can fuel one to be patient as the other is practicing a new skill to keep the relationship blossoming.  Love can help us to be more accepting of our partners…and be more accepting of ourselves when we can’t accept our relationship with our partner.

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