Signs you might be in love with a mentally ill person

Like most of my blogs, this one is also inspired by a third party and has absolutely NOTHING to do with my own life experience…mostly because my life (as I’ve experienced it) is flawless and magickal and I’m pretty sure puppy dogs and sunshine emanate from every pore of my being. At least that’s what the clairvoyant said to me last week when I paid her $55 to read my palm tarot.

So, I thought I’d give some of you a heads up about this…I mean, it can be really hard to date someone who is mentally ill…so you better be sure!

You know you are in love with someone who is mentally ill if…

1) There are periods of time when you talk to this person…and, although they respond to you verbally, it’s almost like they are empty inside. There is no “umph” or expression behind their verbal responses. Like they are a robot.

2) You tell them something tragic like: “my Mom is in the hospital” or “my good friend just got diagnosed with cancer” and they respond by saying: “They’ll be fine. Just tell him/her to man up.”

3) They read your journal while you’re at work…and know it’s wrong, but tell you about it anyway. (Ok, Ok, that might be classified under stupidity)

4) They tell you that if you look at anyone you’ve ever had relations with (even in passing) they’ll break up with you and never speak to you again.

5) When you try to tell them that making a joke about your friend having cancer upset you, they try to turn the table and make it seem like YOU’RE the crazy one.

6) They call you and say that they think they are “out of control” or “I think I have bipolar or something” and then two days later say that they are fine and everything is all right…no need to worry! Right. No need indeed.

Well, if any of this applies to you, I’d say you are in for a real treat should you choose to stay with this person! I cannot tell you what is wrong or right…I can just tell you what IS…and, if you related to ANY of the above, the person you love IS MENTALLY ILL.

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Why a monogomous LTR? Well, I’ll tell you why

A few months ago, the person I thought who was going to be my life partner asked me, “Why do you even WANT a life partner?  Why is that so important to you?”  The question stopped me dead in my tracks…I was thinking, “How can you even ask that?!”  <jerk!>  I know, my feelings were just hurt…good question!

Well, I was so shocked, I couldn’t come up with a better reason other than, I just want it.  And, I don’t think I’m the only one in the world who wants it.  (obviously.)  There are many benefits to having a partner in crime…companionship, safety, someone to share not only living expenses…but living spaces as well.  There is a part in every human (unless you’re a sociopath) who craves the not only the physical intimacy, but the emotional and intellectual intimacies as well and there is something special about sharing all three with one person.  When I thought of these reasons…I realized that they all have one thing in common, which is how having a relationship serves ME.   Sure it’s mutually beneficial…I mean, the other person is experiencing companionship, security and all that jazz too. 

But I kept going back to how special it is to share a life with somebody…what about it is so special?  And, after a long time, I think I’ve figured it out…FOR EVERYBODY!  No, just kidding.  But here’s what I came up with: 

(It’s really beautiful, I think…so be prepared.)

run really fast if you see this guy

From my understanding of yogic philosophy, everything in the Universe is One.  The separation we experience in life/the world is an illusion.  In other words, this is not real.  (But if a murderer is chasing you, please run because we do still die when killed.)  The word yoga means to yolk…or to merge with your true Self, hence, to the divine and experience real Love (or universal identification).  Now, it seems to me that all religion has this background of Love and forgetting about the individual or ego in order to become selfless and serve and all that good ‘n holy stuff. 

Sounds beautiful, right?  Right.  Now, somehow we as people have a real talent for distorting all this stuff to fit our own needs.  And, if everyone not only knew this, but understood it and lived it, the world would be a totally different place.  (But, the world doesn’t even exist as we know it, right?)  Ugh, could this be more complicated? 

Although I have a knowledge of this philosophy, I cannot pretend to truly understand it and live by it.  I mean, really, who can?  Unless you’re Jesus or some other enlightened being…and even then, I would have my doubts.

So what does all this talk on universal love have to do with life partnership?  Well, as it stands right now, we humans (for the most part) cannot possibly conceive of living life this way.  However, we have an opportunity I believe, to experience this type of Love on a smaller scale, one we can relate to.  And that, folks, is the LTR (long-term relationship, if you don’t obsessively read personal ads or missed connections on Craigslist.  Which, by the way, I would highly recommend to everybody because boy are these people hilarious!) 

Painting by Alex Grey

I imagine that in an ideal partnership, despite the fact that I will benefit from certain factors, there is an opportunity to experience true identification with another.  (Not to be read as enmeshment, people.)      Meaning that I have an opportunity to see and create divinity in action.  I can create a relationship that is not just about me and what I want, but about the other person as well…and together, we work and strive for something greater than each other.  It seems that a partnership is a way to experience this universal love thing that eludes me on a daily basis.  I mean, if this is love on a smaller scale, maybe I can work up from there.  Or maybe not, who knows?

Sounds beautiful, right?  It surely does.  But, let’s not forget all the actual work that goes into creating this.  The decisions, compromises, personalities and daily obligatory duties we have to fulfill…makes it a bit trickier than one might think.

Love: Let’s Get Real!

I LOVE YOU!!

We can make it because we love each other…

but isn’t it enough that I love You??

Isn’t it, though?

Truthfully, no, it’s not enough.  Don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say.  Let’s think about it:

If, “love is all we need” (to quote John Lennon), then I’d probably still be with my abusive ex from 5 years ago.  In fact, a lot of women would still be with their abusive exes…because they loved us in their own fucked up way…and similarily we loved them in our own fucked up way.

No, Love definitely isn’t enough.  It is NOT the end all be all of a romantic  relationship.  On top of this mutual feeling of love for one another, there needs to be a few other characteristics-and these can vary from person to person depending on our individual needs and wants.  For instance, I like stability.  Not the kind of stability where I’m too afraid to let go, but the kind of stability that I know where the relationship is going, and the partner has the same directional idea.  Trust.  That’s a big one.  To trust that someone is being faithful, that he/she has your interests in mind also and is not just making decisions selfishly.  It is definitely a huge bonus if both partners can communicate their wants/needs effectively.

We have many definitions of love.  In Vedanta, they call it “preferential attachment.”  (sort of bummerish sounding, right?!)  The Greek call it Eros.  A romantic and intimate love that doesn’t necessarily have to be physical, but it is more than a friendship.

Whatever definition we choose to go by, love can be the fuel for all other components in a relationship.  Love can fuel one to practice communicating; it can fuel one to be patient as the other is practicing a new skill to keep the relationship blossoming.  Love can help us to be more accepting of our partners…and be more accepting of ourselves when we can’t accept our relationship with our partner.