Questions I like to ask myself everyday

Hello!  And welcome to this installment of my blog–where I will give you a list of questions that I like to ask myself (hence the title, duh!) and maybe…just maybe explain why this is useful for me.

Plus, I love making lists incase you couldn’t tell by several other entries.

So here it goes:

1)  Do I like you…and if so why?  (or the opposite, if No, then why not?)

This is a valuable question because it allows me to assess a couple different things.  First off, I get to take a look at if I like you.  Then, I get to explore why…do you make me feel good? Do you feed some sort of dependency issue I might have? Do you have traits that I wish I had?  The possibilities are endless.  If I like you for valid reasons, I will probably keep hanging out with you.  If I like you for invalid reasons, I will ALSO probably keep hanging out with you…(until I am strong enough and ready to decide otherwise).  If I don’t like you for invalid reasons, that actually sheds light onto a darkness that I might get to work on! 

2)  Why did I just do that?Maybe this diagram helps you get the analogy better.

Another great question that can provide insight into my motivations…however, it can be an extremely difficult question to answer.  But only because there are many motivations…and several tend to be on a more subconscious level.  (Think of the tip of the iceberg analogy)  This one is good to go back to again and again for the same action.

3)  Why did YOU just do that?

This question can serve two purposes.  One, is to practice the correct assessment of another human being.  (Is this normal for your character??)  Also, the answer given can possibly be the answer to question number 2.  I mean, if I guess why you might do something…the answer I come up with might actually be why I might have done that thing that you just did.  (ooh!  Psychology, Love it!)

4)  What the f***??

Other ways this question could be asked:  Seriously?  No joke?  Are you kidding me?  WTF? 

This seems like a really basic question:  We don’t have to get all deep…but really, what the f***?  I need clarification on the physical events that just took place, then, once I’ve mentally grasped that, then I can go a little deeper if I choose.

5)  Do you understand what I’m trying to say?  Please repeat back what you think I just said to you.

Ahhhh…yesssss!  One of my personal favorites!  (Surprising, I know…it contains no profanity)  But, If I desire to communicate, I want to make sure that whomever I converse with is understanding my meaning.  Know what I mean?  I’m sure every one of us has been in a situation that has spiraled out of control because of a miscommunication somewhere along the line. 

I think he's saying, "How can I get him to understand what I'm talking about?!"

6)  Wait, what did you just say?

(The sister question of number 5)  Not only do I want my point to be understood, but I also want to understand what others are trying to say to me.  This could make for a fantastic conversation…and then it could further develop into a fantastic friendship, who knows?

and that leads to my final question:

7)  No, seriously.  Who really does know?

Because I sure don’t.  And, I would really like to know.  This is helpful in almost every aspect of life; don’t know how to do something?  or where something is? or how to get help?

Wow…this list could go on.   But, These are definitely my favorite ones to ask.  They have helped me to do such things as the following:  introspection, transformation, take responsibility for my actions, and find a little more peace and happiness.

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What to do when your (and by your I mean my) entire foundation is shaken

Don’t get too excited about this post.

I don’t have the answer.

That’s right…I don’t really know what to do, but I have some ideas:

Idea #1:  Just because my foundation has been shaken so hard that some pieces have broken off and the entire thing is brimming with cracks, doesn’t mean everyone else’s is in the same shape.  With that being said, I can ask for help or an opinion or a thought from somebody who is a bit more grounded than I.  (Or even just to spend time with…because time spent with someone who has strength and kindness and good intentions will ALWAYS be time well spent.)

Idea #2:  Even though I am forced to question everything…and I mean everything.  (i.e. beliefs, values, rights, wrongs, purposes, meanings, friendships, familyships, spaceships…ok, so I got a little carried away with the spaceships) There are still some things in my life that are consistent and a safe place to go for refuge.  For me, this is practicing yoga on my mat and curling up on the futon with my cat.  Maybe you have something like that?

Idea #3:  Don’t judge or criticize myself.  This can NEVER be a bad idea.  And, if I all of a sudden have no idea (but clearly I have at least 3 so far) about who I am or what I stand for or what I should be doing…it’s inevitable that I might do something out of character.  Afterall, I have to test these things out and I’m a hands-on kinda girl.  So let’s say I do something that’s “bad”…well, I can brood over it and tell myself how terrible I am for committing such an act (even if we just think of committing such an act…let’s be honest–we can be really harsh on ourselves for the littlest thing)  Or, I can learn and grow from it. It was either right for me, or it wasn’t.  And, if it wasn’t, the last thing I need right now (or anyone for that matter) is to shame my behaviors and defecate all over my self-worth.  I can cut myself some slack.

Meanwhile, it’s normal and ok to feel out-of-whack, like somebody has whacked me or completely whack-o.  I think the trick is, is to let time be on my side.  To be ok with not being ok…afterall, no emotion lasts forever (a comforting thought!)

And I imagine that as I sift through all these broken pieces of what was once thought of as an unbreakable/unshakeable foundation, I can decide which pieces to put back into place and which ones to leave in the dust of my old-ways-of-doing-and-thinking.  As I examine closely and carefully all the tiny cracks and all the large cracks at the base, I can figure out not only how to fill them in…but with what I’d like them to be filled with–creating a better, brighter version of the girl that you guys know…(or don’t know, whatever.  But I’m pretty sure there has been only one person I don’t know who actually took time to read my blogs.)  Don’t worry, I definitely do not base my esteem on something like that!