I finally figured out how and why I want to teach yoga.

What do you think...is he or isn't he making a personal connection with himself through yoga?

I am learning many, many things on my “journey” to be a yoga teacher.  When I finally decided to take the training, I told my sister first.  It made sense because she was already a yoga teacher.  She asked me, “Julie, why do you want to teach yoga instead of finishing up college?”  And I did what any other regular human would do…

I lied.  Well, sort of.

I stated that I had grown so much as a person through yoga, and that I wanted to help others do the same.  (I just wanted this to be the truth.)

What I really should’ve said, is this:

School isn’t working out for me, and…I want to believe that yoga has helped me transform into a better person–I hear it can be done…maybe if I teach it, that would speed up the process?  Plus, isn’t it SO AWESOME to be a teacher?  It is very glamorous: people love you and look up to you!

Here is the truth now:  I really do believe yoga can help to improve–kind of.  I think whatever you put into the practice is what you’ll get out of it.  I want to help people find that meaningful connection; to use the practice effectively for personal growth.  Yoga hasn’t transformed me…in fact, I’ve only recently been able to use the practice for my own growth since I’ve started therapy.  Through counseling, I’ve figured out what yogis mean when they say, “Turn your gaze inward, that’s where the answers are…not outside of us.” 

I mean, when I would turn my gaze “inward” I really was in my own head…only I was judging and comparing myself to others or to what I thought I should be doing.  And that pattern of thinking isn’t helping me out any…I was  just doing what I ALWAYS did, but this time it was on my yoga mat inside a studio. 

So, now that I’ve been gazing inward effectively, here is something I’ve discovered:  I really do want to facilitate others find their OWN connection through yoga. 

With this realization…a couple others follow naturally.

One, is the understanding that with wanting to help people find their own connection working at a studio severely limits the type of people I can reach.  So, it is now less important for me to teach at a studio.  I can reach a more diverse crowd of people through other means…like people who are too intimidated to enter the studio because it seems so serious and spiritual and they have no idea what they’re doing.  (And rightfully so.  I’m pretty sure I covered this aspect of a studio in my previous entry, “Namas-uck-my-dick-te.”)

Two, is that although teaching at a studio is less important, I still want to do it.  Yes, I will jump through their hoops…(which sometimes seem never ending), only I will do it on my own time now.  Stay tuned, because this part will make for a fascinatingly entertaining blog on its own…(as it is filled with DRAMA!  EGO!  REALLY BAD JOKES!  and OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE  YOU GO “GAASSSPP!”) 

So, I hope to see you all around…especially when I’m teaching!

…or as the wonderful site stats on this blog.  I can tell how many people a day read this stuff! 

Thank you.  And namasuckmydickte!  (biiiiiiitch)  I’m talking about the dog.

Why a monogomous LTR? Well, I’ll tell you why

A few months ago, the person I thought who was going to be my life partner asked me, “Why do you even WANT a life partner?  Why is that so important to you?”  The question stopped me dead in my tracks…I was thinking, “How can you even ask that?!”  <jerk!>  I know, my feelings were just hurt…good question!

Well, I was so shocked, I couldn’t come up with a better reason other than, I just want it.  And, I don’t think I’m the only one in the world who wants it.  (obviously.)  There are many benefits to having a partner in crime…companionship, safety, someone to share not only living expenses…but living spaces as well.  There is a part in every human (unless you’re a sociopath) who craves the not only the physical intimacy, but the emotional and intellectual intimacies as well and there is something special about sharing all three with one person.  When I thought of these reasons…I realized that they all have one thing in common, which is how having a relationship serves ME.   Sure it’s mutually beneficial…I mean, the other person is experiencing companionship, security and all that jazz too. 

But I kept going back to how special it is to share a life with somebody…what about it is so special?  And, after a long time, I think I’ve figured it out…FOR EVERYBODY!  No, just kidding.  But here’s what I came up with: 

(It’s really beautiful, I think…so be prepared.)

run really fast if you see this guy

From my understanding of yogic philosophy, everything in the Universe is One.  The separation we experience in life/the world is an illusion.  In other words, this is not real.  (But if a murderer is chasing you, please run because we do still die when killed.)  The word yoga means to yolk…or to merge with your true Self, hence, to the divine and experience real Love (or universal identification).  Now, it seems to me that all religion has this background of Love and forgetting about the individual or ego in order to become selfless and serve and all that good ‘n holy stuff. 

Sounds beautiful, right?  Right.  Now, somehow we as people have a real talent for distorting all this stuff to fit our own needs.  And, if everyone not only knew this, but understood it and lived it, the world would be a totally different place.  (But, the world doesn’t even exist as we know it, right?)  Ugh, could this be more complicated? 

Although I have a knowledge of this philosophy, I cannot pretend to truly understand it and live by it.  I mean, really, who can?  Unless you’re Jesus or some other enlightened being…and even then, I would have my doubts.

So what does all this talk on universal love have to do with life partnership?  Well, as it stands right now, we humans (for the most part) cannot possibly conceive of living life this way.  However, we have an opportunity I believe, to experience this type of Love on a smaller scale, one we can relate to.  And that, folks, is the LTR (long-term relationship, if you don’t obsessively read personal ads or missed connections on Craigslist.  Which, by the way, I would highly recommend to everybody because boy are these people hilarious!) 

Painting by Alex Grey

I imagine that in an ideal partnership, despite the fact that I will benefit from certain factors, there is an opportunity to experience true identification with another.  (Not to be read as enmeshment, people.)      Meaning that I have an opportunity to see and create divinity in action.  I can create a relationship that is not just about me and what I want, but about the other person as well…and together, we work and strive for something greater than each other.  It seems that a partnership is a way to experience this universal love thing that eludes me on a daily basis.  I mean, if this is love on a smaller scale, maybe I can work up from there.  Or maybe not, who knows?

Sounds beautiful, right?  It surely does.  But, let’s not forget all the actual work that goes into creating this.  The decisions, compromises, personalities and daily obligatory duties we have to fulfill…makes it a bit trickier than one might think.