In case you were wondering, we really do loose our shit.
When I first started practicing, I thought that my teachers had it “together.” (Whatever that means.) It was a mystery to me, and that was what kept me coming back at first. I thought, boy, I want to keep it together real nice all the time.
I just recently realized it’s practically impossible. No matter how long we practice and study and give and receive and chant and sing and pray and whatever else we like to do, we will always be able to feel something sad, lonely, heartaching/breaking, angry. And, if that feeling is intense enough, we are capable of “loosing it.” Yes. I mean crying…sobbing hysterically unable to stop. (I think we have an endless supply of tears) I mean we can curse people out…telling them what we “really think of ’em.” We can secretly spy on people just to fuel whatever our fear is.
We are not some saintly beings who walk around super aware and in tune with ourselves constantly; who feel the “oneness” with the universe at all times and know that when our hearts are broken, that it’s really okay. That it was all just temporary anyway. And on top of that, can just sit back and watch our emotions roll in and out like waves of the ocean…nonreactive.
We can however, feel more fully I believe. Not only the sadness and anger, but the joy and love also. We can appreciate (even if it is after the freak-out session) the intensity of the emotion and situation that brought it on hand. The precise talent we have IS feeling…and being able to assess (eventually or right away) events and how to either continue or stop them. This could take years…or, it could happen the first time.
Either way, at least it IS happening. Even if we can’t yet see the destination in action.